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Life Coaching Skills: 5 Tips for Being a Better Listener for Your Coaching Clients

October 29, 2020 Leave a comment
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If you’re a coach, you better be a good listener. You need to hear what your clients say; no daydreaming allowed. Yes, you need to have expertise to help them work through their problems or to improve their mindset, but you won’t know which advice to offer if you don’t listen carefully.

In today’s busy world, however, it’s very easy to get distracted, which doesn’t bode well when you’re trying to build trust with your clients. A distracted coach is one who doesn’t fully care about their clients and is only in this business to make money or to make a name for themselves.

Here are 5 ways you can become a better listener:

1. Keep eye contact. Meet in a Zoom meeting, webinar conference room or in a real physical location and focus on the person’s face because looking around aimlessly gives the impression that you’re not listening. If you’re taking notes while on a video call, tell them that so they don’t think you’re on your phone or dozing off when you look down.

2. Pretend that you’re going to repeat this conversation. This is a mind exercise because, obviously, your clients want their sessions kept confidential. However, thinking that you need to remember the most important parts of the conversation will help you stay focused. Use this as an aid for taking notes, too.

3. Turn off your phone and other electronic devices. Or put it on silent mode and keep it in your purse or in a drawer away from your desk. The only time it should come out during a session is when you’re scheduling a follow up session and you check your calendar.

4. Ask open-ended questions. Coaching sessions are meant to be two-way conversations so instead of focusing on taking notes, pay attention to details and ask related questions. Don’t try to be a mind reader and don’t make assumptions. Simply ask questions and allow your client to elaborate.

5. Summarize the session. At the end of the session offer a summary, either verbally or via email. Also include the next steps your client should take before your next session. If they say anything during the session that is unclear or confusing, offer a summary immediately by saying, “I hear you saying…” and add in your version of what they said. They can correct any misunderstanding right away while you show them that you’re paying attention to the little details.

Take an assessment of your listening skills today. Do you really listen to what your clients say? Do you have a firm grasp on what areas they need help? Have you ever tuned out while looking at your phone? Be honest with yourself.

If you’re doing all of these things, great! Your clients should feel good that you’re listening and actually hearing what they’re saying. If you admit that you’re not a great listener, there’s no time like the present to make that change and improve your trustworthiness.

Need More Listening Help?

On November 14th I will launching my New On Demand Online Course, “How to Create Your Own Personalized Client Service Experience Plan” I have a whole lesson dedicated to listening and how to hone your listening skills into an income-generating asset. The other three lessons include tips and action plans for developing your brand image and how to create brand loyalty, which of course, leads to longtime customers and loyal clients. To Join the waitlist with others to be the first to receive information on this course signup here http://eepurl.com/b1zmur.

7 Ways to Turn Worry into Excitement

October 28, 2020 2 comments
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Everybody worries sometimes. Right now, you’ve probably even got a few worries on your mind. You might be thinking about a relationship or a situation at work, causing you trouble. Maybe you’re worried about your health or whether or not you’re going to have enough money to pay the bills at the end of the month. Whatever the case, worry happens whether we intend for it to or not. This becomes a problem, though, when worry starts to take over your life.

So, what is the goal? Is stopping worrying enough to put you on an even keel, or are you hoping for something…more? What if, instead of worrying, you could become excited, then use this excitement to get more done?

Let’s look at seven ways to achieve this:

1. Be Here Now

Worry has a way of trapping you anywhere but here. Either you’re worried about something which happened long ago, or you’re caught up in fretting about something still to come.  Neither is going to get you anywhere. To stop worrying, you need to focus on the present. What interests you right now?

2. Realize This Gets You Nowhere Fast

Worrying stops you cold. In fact, most procrastination is caused by worrying. With this in mind, why are you wasting your time and energy on worrying? Sometimes just recognizing what a waste worry is, will be enough to derail it altogether. Especially when you have better places to be.

3. Throw Yourself into Something Interesting

Worry needs your attention to survive. Get busy doing something engaging to your mind, and you’ll find you forget all about worrying.

4. Rewrite the Script

If you’re seeing everything blow up around you, maybe you should try focusing on the perceived disaster. Ask yourself how you could do things to handle the situation were it to happen. Once you have it, practice the scenario in your mind. Picture yourself handling matters.

5. Practice

Worried about something you need to do later? Having a dress rehearsal in your head will make things go smoother and keep worry at bay entirely.

6. Ask

Challenge your worry. Dig in and get to the roots until you understand your worry intimately. Ask yourself where the negativity came from. Peel back the layers until you get down into the heart of the matter.

7. Try a New Path

In the end, worry can become very attached to the familiar. Challenge yourself. Find a different way to do things. Explore where this path takes you.

The main point in all of these is to enjoy the journey. This is where you find the excitement and enthusiasm, which leads to getting things done. The rest is all momentum and a whole lot of brand-new accomplishments just waiting to happen.

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Train Yourself to be More Self-Compassionate

October 22, 2020 5 comments

Have you ever met someone with so much compassion and wondered how you could be more like that? If so, you are not alone. Some people are born with the capacity of being compassionate not only to humans, but to pets, wildlife, and even nature. While compassion is a trait that is both biological and learned from our environment in childhood, there are ways to train yourself to be more compassionate if you wish.

Compassion is a Practice

If being compassionate is a way of being which is unfamiliar to you, it will take some practice. Just as any other new habit you wish to form, it will begin as unfamiliar until you make it more familiar. The brain is a creature of habit and gravitates to what is familiar – whether that is a positive trait or a negative habit.

Training your brain to be more compassionate is a practice like any new habit you wish to create. Compassion begins with self-compassion. Set an intention to be more self-compassionate and you will be amazed at how much your everyday, ordinary, life improves. Taking on self-compassion lightens the load, makes each day a little brighter, and softens the ups and downs of life.

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Here are some ways to practice self-compassion:

  • Talk back to that negative voice in your head; when you have a thought, which is negative about yourself, challenge it.
  • Counteract every negative thought with a positive one. For example, if you find yourself being hard on yourself, remind yourself how you have been through difficulties before and have come out simply fine.
  • Compliment yourself on a job well done and let go of guilt for feeling proud and accomplished.
  • Give yourself a break every now and again; you do not always have to aim for perfection. Doing your best is what counts.
  • Treat yourself to something nice; do something nice for yourself.
  • Speak to yourself and treat yourself like you would your best friend

Take the time to practice self-compassion. Once your cup is overflowing, you now have so much more to give. Self-compassion is not selfish, it is necessary so you can give back to others.

Three Powerful Habits of Highly Compassionate People

October 17, 2020 2 comments

What does success have to do with being a compassionate person? The answer is a lot. When you think of someone who is compassionate, do you associate it with someone who has a martyr/victim personality? Most associate compassionate people as soft or weak.

However, compassionate people have an amazing relationship quality – they know how to use compassion as a strength and not a weakness. Here are a few habits of highly compassionate people.

They do not Take Things Personally

People who emulate compassion both to themselves and for others, have learned the art of not taking things personally. They know when a mistake happens, that is simply a fact – a mistake happened. They do not focus on how much of a failure they are, how stupid they feel. They simply focus on the problem and do not internalize it as being about themselves. This allows them to take the next step.

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The Move Forward Quickly and Rebound

Since compassionate people practice self-compassion as well as compassion for others, they can move forward quickly. They do not make the problem, mistake, or situation about them.

There is less ruminating, worrying, and talking about problems. There is more of a focus on moving forward and coming up with creative solutions.

They Come up with Solutions to Problems

Rather than ruminating, compassionate people come up with creative solutions to difficult problems. Compassionate people can feel into what it is like for someone else to experience pain, almost as if they were the ones experiencing it. This offers them an amazing vantage point to problem solving.

A compassionate person can see and feel into others pain points. This offers them an advantage in helping others solve those problems. This one quality has many benefits:

  • In relationships, compassionate people can empathize with others and are better able to problem solve.
  • In business, compassionate people can feel their client’s pain points, communicate with empathy, and help them find creative solutions.
  • Socially, compassionate people invite others to be vulnerable due to their trustworthy and empathic qualities.
  • Compassionate people have a unique skill in being able to listen effectively to what people are saying and even what they are holding back on, as well.

Compassionate people have an uncanny sense about other people. This enables them to feel, see, and hear what others are experiencing. Compassion is an attractive quality. Compassionate people can draw near to them people who need their gifts, skills, and talents. This gives them an opportunity to not only succeed, but to excel in personal relationships as well as in business settings.

The personality trait of being compassionate is not one of weakness. It is one of personal strength. Maintaining a balance between compassion and having strong boundaries is a winning combination.

How Being More Compassionate Changes Your Life

October 15, 2020 2 comments
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Self-Compassion allows you the opportunity to take care of your own needs in being kind and gentle to yourself when you fall short. As humans, we all fall short; sometimes we do not reach our goal, sometimes the actions of others impact us negatively. We make mistakes, forget things, lose our cool, overreact. We are human. Understanding the basic fact, we are human allows us to be kind and compassionate and ask ourselves what we learned from experience.

Being compassionate to ourselves is a better use of energy. Imagine the time and trouble it takes to feed a negative mindset in reaction to a mistake. We can, instead, take time to self-soothe. Self-soothing is shown to have many benefits. We can move forward more quickly rather than ruminating on our mistakes. We can learn and grow and keep moving forward – the real definition of life.

More importantly, when we show ourselves compassion, we train others to do the same. If we beat ourselves up, we are basically giving others permission to do the same. When we show ourselves compassion, we model how we expect others to treat us, as well.

The Impact of Compassion on Your Relationships

While we are all interested in changing and improving our lives for the better, what about the impact compassion has on our relationships? Navigating through life means taking responsibility for our actions; however, we are also navigating many relationships within families, work, and socially.

Showing compassion offers us the opportunity to make a difference in someone else’s life. People need to know we understand and that we are there for them. Loving and supporting others is the catalyst for helping them through the rough patches of life. What is better than being a contributing factor to changing the direction of someone else’s life? Now that is powerful!

When we offer compassion to others, we feel good about ourselves and make a difference to them. It is a win/win situation.

Why Compassion is So Important

October 14, 2020 5 comments

We live in such a busy world. Everywhere you go you hear about either being more, doing more, or buying more. With everyone in the family either going to school or working, “busy” is the new normal. Self-care falls by the wayside, spending time with others is minimal at best, and worst of all, compassion becomes a luxury not a necessity.

The Benefits of Compassion

Compassion boosts your health and well-being. There are many benefits to taking on being compassionate both for yourself and, equally as important, for others:

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For Yourself

  • You feel good about yourself.
  • You exude more confidence.
  • You have a softer, gentler, kinder demeanor.
  • You attract more positive people, situations, and experiences in your life.

Your health improvement brings more energy, better sleep, and life experiences

For Others

  • You are a contribution to others when you show compassion.
  • You let them know they are not alone.
  • Other people reap the rewards of feeling related, understood, and full of hope.
  • Others who are equally kind and compassionate will draw near to you.
  • You become a role model for others on how to treat themselves.
  • You become a role model for others on how to improve their relationships.
  • You create a ripple of compassion, that positively affects many people.
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Being Compassionate to yourself as a new way of being brings improvement to many areas of your life. When you are compassionate to yourself, you reap the benefits and the rewards.

Happy New Year! New Decade!

January 14, 2020 Leave a comment

Where did the time go? This past year, 2019, was a trying one emotionally, spiritually and professionally. By the end of 2019 I realized one thing – things can not continue the same way in 2020. So, I made a commitment to myself to “launch out into the deep” for a bigger catch – for greater works!

It has been awhile since I have blogged. I have decided to make blogging one of my continued activities in pursuing greater works in the earth. Writing, speaking, coaching/counseling and teaching are main areas used to get my message across to the masses and for people to experience the gifts and talents entrusted to me by God.

What’s New in 2020?

What’s new in 2020 is my “Greater Commitment” to my divine assignment and calling. I am committed to doing the following:

  • Writing More!
  • Teaching More!
  • Training More!
  • Preaching and Speaking More!
  • Helping More People To Become Certified Life Coaches and Ministers!
  • Just Doing More!

What Are Your Commitments For 2020?

Happy New Year!

Patience Day 30 -Reflect On How Far You’ve Come And Where To Go From Here

September 18, 2018 1 comment

close up photography of bulb on water

Reflect Back Over The Last 30 Days

Let’s take a quick walk down memory lane and browse through all the different topics we covered over the past 29 days. Here’s a quick rundown:

1. Welcome And How Patient Are You?
2. What Exactly Is Patience?
3. The Importance Of Becoming A More Patient Person
4. Patience Is A Skill – Practice Helps
5. Quick Patience Tip – Count To Ten
6. Patience Is A Virtue! Or Is It?
7. 5 Signs That You’re An Impatient Person
8. Get In The Habit Of Realizing When Patience Is In Order (Part 1)
9. Get In The Habit Of Realizing When Patience Is In Order (Part 2)
10. Reflect On When You’ve Been Too Impatient
11. Times To Be Patient vs. Times To Act
12. Using Visualization Exercises To Help With Patience
13. 3 Things You Must Do After An Impatient Outburst
14. The Physical Side Of Impatience
15. The Physical Side Of Impatience
16. Create Awareness About Losing Your Patience
17. Pinpoint What’s Causing You To Lose Your Cool
18. How To Avoid Emotional Explosion Infographic
19. Scriptures On Patience
20. Give Yourself A Time Out To Recoup Your Patience
21. Give Yourself A Time Out To Recoup Your Patience
22. Meditate Your Way To Patience
23. Why Do You Feel Rushed?
24. Build Cushions Into Your Daily Schedule To Make Time For Patience
25. Selah! – Rest Day
26. How Gratitude & Thankfulness Can Make You More Patient
27. Get Comfortable With Being Uncomfortable
28. It’s Ok To Act Patient Until You Develop It
29. Patience Is A Choice
30. Reflect On How Far You’ve Come And Where To Go From Here

We’ve reached the end of our journey. I can’t believe it! I hope this time together has been as enjoyable for you as it’s been for me. More than that, it’s my hope that you now feel you possess the information and tools you need to become a more patient person. We’ve covered a lot over the past month.

We started off our journey by defining patience and talking about why it’s important. Beginning with an understanding of the concept and a strong framework is necessary to continue learning. We then discovered some tangible tools and techniques to put in place in order to begin to demonstrate more patience and to calm down when you’re feeling frustrated.

It was early in our time together that I first introduced the idea that patience is a skill that can be learned. Because it’s so essential to the process, we re-visited the idea toward the end of our 30 days. It’s empowering to know that patience can be learned, practiced and improved upon. You aren’t a bad person or less worthy simply because patience doesn’t come easily to you.

In addition, we learned about some of the things that cause us to feel less patient. Personal triggers are a big problem for some of us. Knowing what triggers you is essential to overcoming it when you feel it happen. Feeling less rushed and more gratitude are also practices that can reduce your tendency to feel impatient.

Finally, we looked at your motivations to want to become more patient. These are all very personal to you. Knowing and acknowledging them can push you to move forward on your journey of learning ways to become more patient. Recognize that this won’t happen overnight. Bring out your list of reasons when you feel like giving up.

Assignment Day 30:

Take a few minutes today to reflect on not only how far you’ve come, but more importantly how this simple 30 day challenge has influenced you and changed you for the better.

What has had the biggest impact on you?

What tips and ideas have you found the most helpful? Those are the posts that you want to go back to again and again.

What positive experiences have you had as a result of the information you’ve gained?

 

 

 

 

 

 

Patience Day 29 -Patience Is A Choice

September 17, 2018 1 comment

architecture black and white challenge chance

Patience Is A Choice!

In yesterday’s blog post, I talked to you about how patience isn’t an inherent quality you’re born with. It isn’t something you either have or don’t have. Patience is a skill that must be practiced and learned in order to be improved upon. The underlying point of this newfound knowledge is that becoming a more patient person will require a great deal of effort and work on your part. We’ve learned a lot of strategies in our journey together. You now have the tools to use to become a more patient person. You must first realize and believe that patience is a choice.

You Decide

You get to decide that you can increase your patience levels. First you must decide that you want to and that the effort is worth it. To help you in this endeavor, make a list. Write down the reasons why you wish to become more patience. Find patterns of where your life is being disrupted by your lack of patience. Knowing your “why” and your motivation to change will help you to become more committed to seeing it through.

What Do You Value?

Keep your list out because, you’re going to add to it. Take some notes about what it is you value with relation to patience. How would being seen as a patient person by others make a difference in your life? What are the values and benefits behind the things you wrote down in your first list? For instance, you may have said that you want to be a better parent by being more patient with your children. Expand on that to determine what is you value about being seen as a better parent and feeling like an accomplished parent. These answers could include the respect and love of your children, with less fear. They might also include a feeling of self-love and acceptance that would come when you feel confident in your ability to parent more patiently. Take notes and explore these values.

Make the Change

The insight you gain from these lists should be powerful information that serves as a catalyst for change. It is my hope and belief that you’ll feel more motivated, inspired and excited toward becoming a more patient person. You now have the tools and the desire to make change. You understand that the power rests within you and nobody else to become the kind of patient individual you wish to be. You’ve taken responsibility for your level of patience. In addition, you’re now armed and ready to do what it takes to become the person you wish to be in this regard.

It’s pretty empowering to realize that patience is a choice, isn’t it? I hope you’re ready to move forward with this knowledge and attitude to bring patience into your life.

 

 

 

 

Patience Day 28 -It’s Ok To Act Patience Until You Develop It

September 16, 2018 Leave a comment

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It’s Okay To Practice Patience Until You Get It!

Surely, you’ve heard the phrase, “fake it ’til you make it.” I would rather say, “act it ‘til you develop it.” It refers to professing to have a quality you wish you possessed and believing that you’ll eventually get to a place in which you genuinely have that trait. Usually, some work is required behind the scenes in order to get to that place, as merely professing it alone won’t get the job done. However, it is possible to put on the appearance of a patient person until you start to gain genuine patience. This mind strategy can be quite helpful in reaching your ultimate goal. I’ll show you how it works.

Patience Can Be Learned

First of all, it’s important to remember that patience can be learned. It isn’t necessarily something that you’re born with. Some people appear to be, and that’s great for them. However, if you weren’t, it doesn’t mean you’re a bad person nor does it mean you won’t ever become more patient. Patience is, in fact, a skill. Like any other, it requires practice to improve. Knowing this puts the keys in your hand. You have the power and control to take action that will result in you becoming more patient.

Change Your Attitude

A change of attitude is the beginning of seeing actual improvement. It’s the first step to seeing patience come more naturally to you. Part of this change is the realization that patience isn’t a stagnant, inherent quality. No longer should you think you were just born without much patience and that there’s nothing you can do to fix that. You’re not broken. You simply lack something you’d like more of. Usually when you want something in your life, you know you have to work and take strategic effort to get it. Same is true with patience.

Change Your Thoughts

Once you’ve refined your attitude, you can begin to reframe your thoughts. This process involves changing nagging, hostile thoughts into more reasonable ones. It’s part of the “fake it ’til you make it” bit. For example, if you’re in line and find yourself really annoyed by the customer who’s taking forever at the register, you may be likely to tell yourself how rude that guy is to be holding everyone up or that the cashier must not be very good at her job if she can’t move things a long a little faster. Chances are, neither of these things is true.

Instead, tell yourself a story that will help to increase your patience or one that will at least help the situation to become more tolerable. Maybe it would help to think that the customer is using all of those coupons to help feed his larger family and that he’s really smart to take the time to do that. Such a narrative with a positive spin can go far toward helping you to feel better.

Once you begin this practice, you’ll find it starts to become more natural. Soon you may not have to fake it at all.

 

 

 

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